I actually had a very nice time at my parents. I'd psyched myself up for more of the same arguments and disagreements, but it didn't happen. Instead, it was all calm and friendly and a lovely place to be. Possibly because Dad spent most of his time at choir/ opera rehearsals, so there was no time for the tension to build in the first place.
On Friday night I sat with Mum in the kitchen/dining room and had a good chat about all things life related, during which, she finally showed some recognition for my relationship with Ben and the fact that it may well be a long term thing.
I was explaining how I'm currently thinking about doing a masters degree in Educational Psychology as I've found a passion for it. However, the closest university that does said degree is in Manchester; and as it is not a distance course I would be a full time attending student for another year. It was at this point Mum came out with the line:
"Yes but with Ben's line of work taking him all across the North West it wouldn't be hard for you two to move closer to Manchester would it?"
In this one line she finally showed that she accepts that Ben and I are a long term thing and that moving in together was the right thing for us to do. This made me very happy. She may not have said it it specifically, but I've learnt how to read between my Mothers words to find the true meaning, a very important skill to have for surviving in that household.
*
Later that same weekend, when celebrating Anna's 20th, my feeling of self pride about the frank, and open conversation ( or as open a conversation as we're ever going to have) my Mum and I had, soon disappeared.
I very proudly announced this news to Anna and Lucy who responded with the polite "aaww" and "that's good" that a friend would and the conversation moved on. But when Anna left to get another drink, Lucy told me that when she was walking the dogs, my Mum had told her that she was glad things had worked out for me and that it was going well.
Now, normally that should make you feel good about yourself, should it not? Well to be frank, it made me feel crap. On one side I was thinking "you were walking the dogs with my Mum!??!!!? They are my dogs and my Mum." Its just not what a typical best friend would consider a normal thing to do with one of your parents. But, as written in a previous blog, this is not your typical situation and its still something I'm struggling with.
What pissed me off the most was the fact that my Mum had felt like telling Lucy that she was happy for me, but not me. In what backwards world does that make sense??? Yes my Mum showed me some recognition for the decisions I had made about my life with Ben but like I said, I had to read between the lines and do some work to get it out of her; yet she managed to tell Lucy without a problem.
I guess its just easier to talk to your "daughter you never had" than your actual daughter. It was a piece of information I could have done with not knowing. Maybe the reason I have a problem being open with you Mum, is because you have a problem being open with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment